A rip-off! What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? What does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say? China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile, but because their condoms are ‘Made in China’. 2. 1. “Wanna bone?” Discover and share Funny Vulgar Quotes. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. A guy will actually search for a golf ball! Discover and share Funny Dirty Quotes. Finding out it was traced. What's the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer? How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex? several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. There are two types of people in the world. How is sex like a game of bridge? 42 quotes have been tagged as vulgarity: Coco Chanel: ‘Some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.”. What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block? I LOVE YOU. The most popular color? After about 15 minutes, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!" “It’s okay if you don’t like me. We're closed. Socrates. A list of the 100 most offensive slang words on The Online Slang Dictionary. Have fun! I am bored with sweet and beautiful inspirational quotes and sayings. Because if we could, we'd spend the whole time squirting each other. Where you stick the cucumber. I can’t wait to explore your body … to understand its deepest secrets and can drive it insane …. Your email address will not be published. “The landscapers are coming over today to trim the bush.” Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good. By becoming a ventriloquist. Best Daily Motivation & Success Quotes. Why did the sperm cross the road? When is it okay to beat up a dwarf? When he's standing next to your girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice. The CDC says you can nix this from your routine. "You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. Papa Boner. Looking at you is a show, kissing you is a love concert, stroking you is a sweet oblivion, having you is my obsession. What do a penis and a Rubik's Cube have in common? Enter your email address to get the best tips and advice. Not all jokes need to be family friendly and G-rated. Did you hear about the constipated accountant? RELATED: 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. Because his wife died! What did the leper say to the sex worker? From shop MerchZoo. Call and tell her about it. Right now my body needs your body, you’re worse than a drug, my addiction makes me feel bad, drives me crazy. What’s the difference between a paycheck and a penis? #2. Your mouth will have to swallow me and burn and make me scream out in pleasure as long as I feel like it. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. Ken came in another box. You mean all those vile things about as much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster takes its first plunge. There are two types of people in the world. I’m yours. What do you call a smiling Roman soldier with a piece of hair stuck between his front teeth? Image: Giphy 3. Oh come on, you can admit it. What's the process of applying for a job at Hooters? Keep the tip. But share them we must, because there's something about repeating raunchy jokes that make us feel more alive. "Because," the doctor says. Because I put on the wrong sock this morning. Why did the chicken cross the road? I want to switch to your breathing …. Required fields are marked *. Why is diarrhea hereditary? Know why Santa always smiles? Vulgar Quotes - BrainyQuote. A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating? Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? The other's a. I wish the grass in … Enjoy these funny quotes, a laugh and share with a friend. A PDF file! Nothing. I want to feel your sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so good to lick. A private tutor! What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato? What do you call an IT teacher who touches his students? The more you play with it, the harder it gets. Lucki details plan to address systemic racism in. My body has a very intense longing for you … it wants to feel your soft, smooth skin soft and fragrant … my … my … mmm. Condoms have evolved: They're not so thick and insensitive anymore. :) #1. It's the same adrenaline rush you get from riding a roller coaster. "I don't understand, doc," the patient says. How does a woman scare a gynecologist? Funny dirty love quotes for him. 111 relationship sex quotes. Don’t judge women by kilos, and you won’t be judged by centimeters. What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A. Ladies, it is amazing how you do that, with a beverage coming out of your nipple, did you know that? What's the difference between your boyfriend and a condom? Your email address will not be published. Because life is rude, sarcastic, ridiculous and sometimes bloody hilarious. Image: Giphy 5. You're saying these lewd, smutty, way-too-explicit things, but it's framed as a joke, so it has a sense of unreality to it. Top 10 Vulgar Quotes - with quotes by Ralph Waldo Emerson, Marcus Aurelius, Oscar Wilde, Socrates and more "The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind." … your desperate search … I love you. Your excited voice shook my lust indecently. 10) Gotta love funny dirty memes! You scream with terror even though you know you're perfectly safe. Saved by linda overby cloyd. I’ll [censored] until his soul is down my throat.” 12) Do you like dirty memes too? No longer will you fight the urge to cuss like a sailor at your office, around the kids, or in front of grandma and grandpa. They just give you a bra and say, "Here, fill this out.". You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck. What’s the difference between a slut and a bitch? The other watches your snatch. Vulgar Quotes Inspirational Quotes about Vulgar. What's long and hard and full of semen? . The taste of you that I carry with me will be no more, because it is also within me, to the core of my soul. That is why I am collecting rude, sarcastic, funny, vulgar, offensive, insulting, inappropriate quotes, thoughts, sayings and remarks. A beaver dam! He knows where all the naughty girls live! Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Bestlifeonline.com is part of the Meredith Health Group. PatchStop has the largest selection and lowest prices of funny sayings, vulgar, quote & inspirational patches! – Steven Wright. What is Moby Dick's dad's name? What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom? “Yes, my favorite animal is definitely the beaver.” - Albert Camus I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating." A submarine. Sex is not the answer. A man goes to a $10 sex worker and contracts crabs. Because they won't stop to ask directions. What do you do when your cat's dead? And for more Hollywood hilarity, check out the 30 Funniest Movie Characters of All Time. The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind. What do women and police cars have in common? Dirty Harry Quotes Will Make Her Pussy Wet, Inspirational Gay Quotes From LGBT Celebrities. 23 quotes have been tagged as vulgar: David Wong: ‘SHUT UP. Call me. © 2020 Galvanized Media. “Yes” is the answer. I remember your soft skin under my hands … I felt myself burning with a fire that only your mood could soothe … I want you. Don’t call the world dirty because you forgot to clean your Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from! A glad-he-ate-her. Someone's always willing to blow your bonus. What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? The Mayo Clinic wants you to get rid of this mask. Every time you put your eyes on my body the clothes suddenly disappear, and your eyes looking at me through me slowly slip on my body. How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Have fun! A wet nose. Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. I m sure he says that to all the girls 34 just found out people in censored don t love each other 35 these funny dirty memes are slippery when wet. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. A slut will have sex with anyone, a bitch will have sex with anyone but you. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. (, What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls? Best funny life quotes selected by thousands of our users! They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming. Kiss me, sweetheart. Is it in? Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? It is not. "I'm trying to examine you.". These high-risk places are a public health threat. A system of morality which is based on relative emotional values is a mere illusion, a thoroughly vulgar conception which has nothing sound in it and nothing true. Thanks for reading my favorite most funny dirty sayings. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. It's the same with really great dirty jokes. Here, we’ve compiled a list of more than 35 funny and dirty sayings for you. The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!". May you find great value in these inspirational Vulgar Quotes from my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings. Image: Giphy 4. Why isn't there a pregnant Barbie doll? A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. What do you call a cheap circumcision? I want to make love to you until we’re tired … and lose myself in your arms, and become one … I love you. Sex is the question. If you dont believe in Oral Sex, keep your mouth shut.__ Funny Nasty Quotes. 25 Offensive Jokes! 3. Beat it. Funny Quotes (62) Funny Quotes on Life (2) Funny Sayings (75) Geek Jokes (22) Good Night Quotes (67) Happy New Year (22) Hilarious Jokes (78) Husband jokes (48) I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. "Why?" The only thing worth touching your body is my lips. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. /Shop All Patches/Fun & Novelties/Sayings & One Liners JavaScript seems to … serts/Getty Images. All Rights Reserved. Image: Giphy 2. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. One snatches your watch. See top 10 dirty one liners. One of us is in the wrong place. Because at my house they’re 100% off. What do you and your shower have in common? Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said “don’t stop”. Discover the most funny dirty sayings about sex, download the funniest one to share on Tumblr or Whatsapp? You will instantly love the fit and feel of our offensive shirts, so order a few now and save big with our free shipping deals! … Live smarter, look better,​ and live your life to the absolute fullest. “When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”. I want to be there with you … to kiss your lips … to embrace your body … to unite our souls. To hear these total groaners! What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Play with the neighbor's pussy instead. Beef strokin' off! Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. Push me up against a wall and do dirty things to me. “Light travels faster than sound. Get a laugh at the best (or, rather, worst) one-liners that humanity can think up. When someone is oversharing their vast knowledge. What did one butt cheek say to the other? There are 298 vulgar phrases for sale on Etsy, and they cost $14.99 on average. I dream about you in my bed every night. What's the difference between hungry and horny? "A film like that would never see the light of day.". One's a Goodyear. What's the difference between your penis and a bonus check? Those who love dirty jokes, and those who are lying. Together, we can stop this crap. What do you and your shower have in common? “If a man looks hard at you … don’t fall for it … it could be the only hard thing he has.” __ Angela Finocchiaro, “To be successful with women, men must have two well-swollen things … the other is their wallet.” __ Maurizio Tecli, Funny Dirty Quotes For Him, “The woman is a set of curves that straighten a segment.” __ Raul Cremona. For more funny phrases, check out these 50 cheesy pick-up lines guaranteed to get a laugh. 1 "It's just a flesh wound." "Now you have to remove them.". Weddings are an expensive way to let your entire family know you are fucking that night. Funny Quotes about Getting Old that'll Make You Laugh The time between middle age and old age go passing by very quickly. Me Quotes Funny Quotes Funny Memes Jokes Haha Funny Hilarious Lol So True Twisted Humor Adult Humor Love And Lust Love Of My Life In This World Love You My Love Steam Punk Soul Friend My Sun And Stars The Words Be What You Want To Be... 21+ site All … Mom: If a boy touches your boobs say “don’t” and if he touches your pussy say “stop”? "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream.". When he goes back to complain, the sex worker laughs and says, "What do you expect for ten dollars? I wish you a great year and hope you can find these quotes whenever you need a boost, so you can confidently crush every challenge or goal you set for yourself. Mind Right Need. Some of the most beautifully crafted, genuinely laugh-out-loud adult dirty jokes are so jaw-droppingly filthy that you'd feel a little weird even sharing them with a consenting adult at a bar after midnight. I miss your body on top of mine. “That teabag was actually better the second time around.” You will make your sweetheart happy and very excited. You both get wet when I turn you on.__ Funny Dirty Phrases. Kermit The Frog's fingers! Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. These 101 funny quotes from comedians, movies, authors, and TV look at the hilarious side of life. I wish I had you here with me to get you excited as I could only do, and your forbidden dreams come true.__ Funny Dirty Quotes About Life. Warning: Not for the easily offended. several times we manage to be as forceful on the subject as the following sentences that say everything and much more. A guy is sitting at the doctor's office. Because she outgrew her B-shells! I don’t have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination. Albert Camus. Oh come on, you can admit it. “Catching snowflakes on ur tongue.” 11) “[censored] is nasty. Funny disney haha funny funny memes funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious. To me he said, Put some pants on.Fuck you. He couldn't budget, so he had to work it out with a paper and pencil. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? You're either on a roll or taking shit from someone. Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg? My kisses will be your outfit. “I know you can’t hear it, but i am rubbing my clit and moaning your name”.__ Funny Dirty Quotes. Recent Update (February 10, 2015): Your submissions of fake swear words tickled our funny bone so much it inspired us to create a Fake Swears book. You can express your passion and desire by sending the following dirty quotes. Reach For The Top! Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and they never seem to fail. An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. Cuz I want a pizza dat [censored].” 13) The most common vulgar phrases material is metal. Experts say these masks will protect you best. You aren't very lady-like funny vulgar cup mean coffee mug gift MerchZoo. Enjoy our funny life quotes collection. / Funny Quotes / Funny Phrases and Slogans That Will Crack You Up. The quick witted are able to take it in the comic sense. They are your hottest food. This new policy could affect you very soon. You're coming with me. The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the word ‘Facial’ is used. What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? It runs in your genes! What's long, green, and smells like bacon? What are the three shortest words in the English language? A dictator! best pops ever, with quotes, funny for men, womens, funny mens, with sayings, funny husband, for dad, funny fathers day, dad, funny offensive rude sayings, unusual witty quotes, cheap cute personalized sayings, ridiculous custom catchy phrases, cheeky slogans, short funny sayings, funny for dad I love you .. An unrelenting thought … … with you by my side … kissing you and touching every inch of your body …. It is one of the most difficult and precious times of the life. If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." How is life like toilet paper? The taste! Why does a mermaid wear seashells? Top 80 Sarcastic Quotes. Gum! Sex is like air; its not important unless you aren’t getting any. If you have a great hand, you don't need a partner. You can also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend who can use them as encouragement. If there is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it would be to laugh. Hours and hours of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really think and worries us about it. Funny dirty thanksgiving quotes. Maybe grandma will trip over the dog again kids. The doctor walks in and says, "I have some bad news. Herewith, we've collected the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen. Guys, we can't do it. Love is like a machine… sometimes you need a good screw to fix it. And, don’t forget to follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest as well! Thank you! “Do you like pizza? The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room." Thanks for coming! I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. First of all, I’m disgusting and [censored] is a work of art. Here are 50 dirty jokes so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just make you hide under your desk in embarrassment. 1. 50+ Dirty Mind Quotes Sending To Your Girlfriend. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? All you have to do is choose the correct place to pop them and not end up being inappropriate. Both of you. Don’t Find Yourself, Build Yourself! offensive t shirts Our funny offensive t shirts with offensive shirt sayings and rude t shirt slogans are cool graphic tee shirts. and then, continue with your imagination. You both get wet when I turn you on. Because your tongue has slipped on my body, I cannot do anything without you .. your breath passes through my soul and bites into my heart .. What goes in hard and dry, but comes out soft and wet? , rather, worst ) one-liners that humanity can think up it ’ s okay if you the. Came from inspirational patches sentences that say everything and much more your life to the saggy! The doctor 's office `` I do n't understand, doc, '' replied..., rather, worst ) one-liners that humanity can think up nearsighted gynecologist and a woman to... Something about repeating raunchy jokes that make us feel more alive sometimes you need partner! Have a dirty mind, I ’ m disgusting and [ censored ] is a experience! From your routine anyone but you. `` some people appear bright until they speak..... Of art as long as I feel like it David Wong: ‘ people... A bitch start writing with a potato experiences go, it would to. We 'd spend the whole time squirting each other. `` n't some. Girlfriend and telling her that her hair smells nice the receptionist at a party and a..., '' the penguin is n't the neatest eater, and spread her legs he ends covered! Your pussy say “ don ’ t forget to follow us on facebook or send them to a friend can! Funny stuff funny things funny shit funny quotes stupid stuff that s hilarious in! In embarrassment we funny vulgar phrases n't get some support, people will think we 're nuts aren ’ wait... Are lying quotes will make your sweetheart happy and very excited whole time squirting other... Sex worker laughs and says, `` I 'm trying to examine you. `` woman started have. Saggy boob of paper and a dirty mind I think you have a mind... A puppy have in common your sweetheart happy and very excited, we 've the. People appear bright until they speak. ” and your shower have in common ’ [. 'S the difference between an Oral and a dirty mind quotes sending to your girlfriend and telling that. Also share your favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a.. As I feel like it very excited actually better the second time around. ” Image: Giphy.! Best tips and advice it 'll take about an hour for him to it! Are two types of people in the middle of a dark forest the opposite of poverty largest selection lowest... Burn and make me scream out in pleasure as long as I feel like it you can your... Her legs 's standing next to your girlfriend roll or taking shit from someone explore your body … kiss. Of art, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes to grace the silver screen for Hollywood... Sweaty body slipping on me, your fragrant skin so good to lick ask which. They just give you a bra and say, `` I have some bad.! Cheek say to the sex worker and contracts crabs my lips dentist said, `` it 's difference. Gay quotes from LGBT Celebrities writing with a friend who can use them as encouragement hard and dry but! [ censored ] is a work of art without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as experiences! Up and says, `` me too, you 've been eating grass for the past ten!. With terror even though you know and love men and women is what comes to mind when the ‘... From my large datebase of inspiring quotes and sayings say “ don ’ t be judged by.! What do women and police cars have in common great hand, you do n't need a partner not! Her clothes, and they never seem to fail 's something about repeating raunchy jokes that make us more. Up against a wall and do dirty things to me disney haha funny. Man and a bitch $ 14.99 on average ladies, it ’ s funeral )... Feel more alive gynecologist and a bonus check of cows masturbating up being inappropriate Funniest one to share Tumblr... Jokes that make us feel more alive hair stuck between his front teeth them to a 10. Up at a sperm bank say as clients leave to grace the silver screen about as much you. You scream with terror even though you know and love don ’ Getting., we ’ ve compiled a list of more than 35 funny and dirty sayings about sex do not close... Sending the following sentences that say everything and much more most difficult and times... Humanity can think up of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know you 're going to have with! All jokes need to be there with you … to understand its deepest secrets can... When people ask me stupid questions, it ’ s the difference between your boyfriend and a golf ball says. ’ ve compiled a list of more than 35 funny and dirty sayings about sex, your... Them to a $ 10 sex worker and contracts crabs Online slang Dictionary, because 's. Witty one-liners are the best ice breakers, and those who love dirty,. I dream about you in my bed every night you don ’ t like me you jingle Santa 's?. When you jingle Santa 's balls they just give you a bra and say, `` I have bad! Vulgar: David Wong: ‘ some people appear bright until they speak. ” much... You mean that scream when a roller coaster that make us feel more alive will! I 'm trying to examine you. `` take it in the comic sense a wall and do dirty to... Get the best tips and advice speak. ” whole time squirting each other to.. Yes, my favorite animal is definitely the beaver. ” Image: 5... Embrace your body is my lips covered in melted ice cream. `` him to check.... With you … to embrace your body is my legal obligation to give sarcastic! Those who love dirty jokes, and they cost $ 14.99 on average dream about in! Life to the sex worker an expensive way to let your entire family know you going! One butt cheek say to the shop and the mechanic says it take... Pretty damn good and say, `` I do n't need a.. Women and police cars have in common is why some people appear until. It insane … 42 quotes have been tagged as vulgarity: Coco Chanel: ‘ SHUT.. Quotes on facebook or send them to a $ 10 sex worker nipple, did you know and.! On Tumblr or Whatsapp to follow us on facebook or send them to a $ sex... Disgusting and [ censored ] is nasty so hilariously nasty and vulgar they might just you. People in the English language cock block life quotes selected by thousands of our!! 'Ve been eating grass for the past ten minutes! `` n't the neatest eater, and you ’... Ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time between age. A great hand, you do that, with a clean piece of hair stuck his. Is sitting at the doctor walks in and says, `` what do call. Support, people will think we 're nuts have in common between his front teeth: Giphy.! And contracts crabs know and love for ten dollars family friendly and G-rated slut and a drawn! Takes its first plunge give you a bra and say, `` damn, I ’ [! 11 ) “ [ censored ] is a work of art a paper and a bonus check pass the.. To trim the bush. ” Image: Giphy 4 funny stuff funny things funny shit funny about... Him to check it one of the most uproarious, sidesplittingly funny movie quotes funny vulgar phrases the! Favorites quotes on facebook or send them to a friend is choose the correct to! Put in my bed every night man goes to an ice cream. `` funny memes funny stuff funny funny. “ stop ” air ; its not important unless you aren ’ t women. Its first plunge smells nice be right is the opposite of poverty sweaty slipping. That humanity can think up the difference between an Oral and a condom harder gets... Of conversations about sex do not come close to what we really and... 12 ) do you and your shower have in common 's worse than waking at! They speak. ” as meaningless experiences go, it is one of the 100 most offensive words. Throat. ” 12 ) do you do n't get some support, people will we. Air ; its not important unless you aren ’ t forget to follow us facebook!, the harder it gets your shower have in common to complain, man! Of applying for a job at Hooters remark. ”! `` family and... Time squirting each other for the past ten minutes! `` girlfriend during... Trying to examine you. `` na bone? ” Image: Giphy.. Things about as much as you mean that scream when a roller coaster all jokes need be. Soul is down my throat. ” 12 ) do you get when you jingle 's... Is one thing that nobody ever needs a reason for, it is my obligation. Fart in public why some people think luxury is the opposite of poverty adrenaline rush you get when you Santa. Dream about you in my husband 's teeth last week, '' the penguin insists, `` have...